Over time my desires have changed a bit. But one desire somehow has always been stable. It took a while to find out what really would satisfy me.
When I was a little child, a dog, a poney or ice skates where the world to me. I never got my poney, nor a horse, but I was lucky enough to grow up with a teckel who became my "sis". We shared all kind of little secrets and she was there for me in good and bad times. She always understood me and she was all I desired at the time.
Growing older as an adolescent my biggest wish was not to move houses or cities anymore, which happened due to my dads job. Resting at one place would have been even more important to me when my mum died, as I needed my friends around to get through the grief. Yes, I had my dad but that was not the same. I tried to be grown up and strong for him. I was lonely and did not know where I really belong to. I just wanted to be surrounded by people I knew, people who knew me, friends of my age. That was my desire then - my biggest wish. I believed I lost all. My friends, my relatives, my mum. All I had was my dad and my dog.
Soon I left the house to start my career and made new friends. I chose the hotel industry as my profession. Was that vocation or desire?
On top I was hoping to see the world. And finally I found my community where I felt I belong to.
My first 3 years of apprenticeship in the 90th in one of the best and leading hotels of the world were the toughest, but yet best years in my life. 3 years of hard labor, no pity, low salary but on the contrary 3 years of party and a strong sense of belonging somewhere.
Life became easy after my apprenticeship. My network was great and spread everywhere. Finding jobs at that time wasn't too bad. I felt gifted and enjoyed my place in this world. My desire of having an adventurous life grew and with it, my desire of a career. The world embraced me and I embraced the world.
Throughout my different phases of desires, I never lost my wish to be adventurous, see the world and belong to a group of people, a circle who had the same wishes and expectations. The same way of living. And even I felt being a nomad, I always felt the urge to be connected to like minded people, serve a purpose and being needed.
And then there came a time where a different spark lit up. I wanted to have my own family, serve an additional purpose, being needed in a different way.. I felt so strong that family and career seemed to be easy and possible and also deeply wanted......until my first child was born. What did I really want? What was my desire? It shifted and changed with the hormones that kicked in. Career was a little pushed aside and my baby became the most important. Even being a stay at home mum was difficult for me, being with my child during the first years was the stronger draw, which I could and would not have exchanged.
Time passed, my son grew, a move to Dubai happened and with all this another desire sparked. In a totally different culture, I wanted to explore the people, the country and decided to help those in need. I put a lot of energy in volunteering and got even more out of it. Raising money for those in need, organizing school for kids without sponsors and helping woman without spouses to earn their own income fulfilled my life.
And something else became important....again...a community I could count on. Being in a foreign country with no family around it is even more important to build a net of people you can rely on. And some of these people became my closest friends. People that understood this adventurous soul, the loneliness and at the same time the love of exploring. Only this mix seemed to feed my desire.
After a few years in the UAE and back in Europe with 2 kids, stuck in a place that is definitely not mine, again showed me my base desire. Being part of a community that is there for each other. When I started my job search in Belgium, it was clear to get back into the hotel industry, where I can give what I am believing in. Creating a welcoming and magic environment for private travelers as well as business (wo)men alike, generate positive moments that will not be forgotten, helping others and stand for each other. What I whish to experience for myself, I wanted to give to others.
If Corona taught me anything, it is to find an equilibrium within myself. Only then you can find your community and if far or close, we all need people who understand us, care for us, laugh with us and be there for us. I definitely do and I am willing to give all that back to my friends and family. I miss them all so much and realize friends, family, a community is what counts most for me.
All the above wishes seemed to have been tools for my deeper longings.
So what is it I desire? If Lucifer would ask me that, my answer would be: A strong network of friends, a sense of belonging....and I am still searching:)