It is Monday the 30th of March 2020 - we are in the middle of the #Coronacrisis in Europe. I have a long weekend as I have a forced vacation day. If forced or not - it feels wonderful!
My plan is to make sure that my kids are in time in their Zoom Home schooling calls to then go back to bed with a nice and wonderful smelling cup of coffee, when all by a sudden my
business phone rings. I am hesitating for a moment to even look at the display as it is my vacation day. But out of the corner of the eye, I see the name of my Chief Commercial Officer in the display. I immediately cleared my thought and checked my hair. Why on earth did I do that? I felt a little caught still being in bed. In the end he does not know that I am off today. (But I promise, I did not check on my breath:)) By the time I went through my insanely stupid and not very helpful check list the ringing tone had died.
What to do now? Call back, wait for him to call again? While I weighed up my options, the phone rose me out of my thoughts with a loud beep to announce an incoming message. It was him with the urgent request to call him back.
Not sure why, but I immediately have this strange feeling. What does he want? Why would he want to talk to me? He never calls me. But perhaps he wants to tell me how much he appreciates all my work and efforts during the past 5 years. As I am a good and a loyal employee, I get out of bed and call him back. No answer on the other line. Well, then it probably was not that important. But I am not in the mood to continue with my planned smooth morning with coffee in bed and Netflix on. So I am on my way to the bathroom when the phone rings again.
A little small talk later on how I am, and some updates about the amount of closed facilities we have worldwide, comes the unfold. He says the magic words. "Petra, we have to permanently lay you off". I am hysterically smiling on my end of the line as my own protective action to not scream, cry or to curse. A flood of questions comes into my mind, but I barely get them out of my mouth. Why me? Did I not perform well? Is it really a permanent notice or perhaps a temporary and I can go back to work after the financial situation changes? Who else got fired? And again, WHY ME? He only says that he is very sorry but they have to lay off a certain amount of employees. I would hear from our HR department during the day.
At that point I simply want to hang up the conversation. What else is there to discuss? I still asked from when on I will be off. 1st of April!!! What a bad April fouls.
I hang up. How do I feel? Listening to my deepest emotions, waiting for some reaction to come up. No crying, no tears, no frustration. The contrary, a slight trace of relieve comes over me. Wow. Not that I expected THAT.
My husband is ways more shocked and tries to comfort me, but there is no reason to comfort me. I am actually OK. I don't understand the decision of the company, but that's it. I am fine.
Immediately my head starts working. Let's start my own website with a blog, but also offer #singingbowlmeditations and #drumcircles via Zoom (I am also a sound therapist and drum facilitator). My husband is confused.
But where to start? Wait - why do I have kids of Generation xyz (I never know what generation they belong to, but for sure they are tech savy) .
As soon as the morning home learning session of my little son is over, I tell him that I need his help to build an own website and that I will become a blogger. What was that expression in his eyes? Confusion, incomprehension. Nevertheless, that's what I want!
These kids are incredible. After he recovered from the message that I got fired and wants to become a blogger, he did not even have to think one second. He came to my MAC, opened Wix.com for me and told me that it is super easy to create a website (if only he would know how scared I am). Can you imagine how stupid I feel for a moment? My little consultant is 12!!! and teaches his 50 year old unemployed mum:) That is actually kind of brilliant and I am very proud of him.
And here my decision is taken to definitely push my very own #RESETbutton and start from scratch. Something new, something which is mine, something I have never done before. In my pace, in my space. I will learn new things (first lesson, how to set up a website create a logo, decide over SEO, etc.) And if feels good!! I am good and I truly believe that all happens for a reason.
Take care of yourself, #Staysafe, #stayhealthy and #staypositive.
Your Pe
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